Four Elements

5:30 AM alarm rings .. press stop

6:15 AM alarm rings … Snooze

After having 3 days holidays isn’t easy to get up early, although during holiday I always get up 1 hour late than my alarms.

I missed you… my heart whisper

I grab the pillows and hug it tightly

My mind says .. Did I really Love him? Did I really miss him..?

The last time I feel like this it was eight years ago. I never feel any love after that incident happen, after I saw the person I Love .. cheating on me. This story not about my past but about the person recently came into my life.

We didn’t talk for almost 3 weeks now, my mind try to ignore it by keeping myself busy

If my body can talk she say .. sometimes missing a hug (I love hugs.. I feel peace)

And If my feeling is a human currently she’s sick!! she missed Love and being in Love

My logic, my feelings and my body they’re totally in different world. And my soul just watching them, what I understand Logic she doesn’t like to waste her time anymore because she need to achieve her goals.

And when I se from feeling she feel bored and lonely because logic too ignorance she never think about feelings

And the body she just moved according to the logic although she felt something missing. Previously it’s so easy for me to move to another until I challenge myself to stick with one. The body was hurting when I used to moved to one and another and my feelings keep on crying she’s suffered to because she need to fake it and the logic She knew it won’t last.

And the soul she feel happy because of the freedom


Fortune teller said …

Don’t wanna feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna give my heart away
To another stranger -I’ll never Love Again- OST. A Star is Born

I cannot even count how many times I repeat this song 😅 I love the lyrics and I love how Gaga sang the song, so deep.

A few years ago when I thought I already find “half of me”, I don’t need anyone else because I have you. But unfortunately, I lost you.

Back in 2005 when I was in the uni, I and my friends went to a fortune teller. Actually, it was my friend who has “business” with her you know asking a “questions” my friend she married with one of a powerful person back in Indonesia but their relationship isn’t that good, although they already have children but you know “Rich” people (Sorry … but talking about someone personal life it just against me, short words I HATE GOSSIPS!!)

My Friend, she paid her quite a lot to this fortune teller … ssshhh. But I can understand her situation, the fortune teller telling her about many things about their relationship and their future. And I feel tingled to do the same, so I don’t have lots of money to pay her. So I asked my friend to ask the fortune teller if I can ask something but I only have Rp. 20,000 ($ 1.50) hehehe … I’m not a rich person but I’m curious #lol.

She looked at me as if she wants to slap me, and with my innocent face, I just smiled at her :). She agreed with two question as if each of question cost Rp. 10,000 (by the way Rp is Rupiah/ IDR, not Rupee/INR) and my question are: How many time will I get married #lols but yeah seriously that’s my first question and the second question is what will I be ..? I think the second question very tough for her, I can see from her eyes if I can read her mind she may say ” bitch you only pay me that much and giving me this shit question ” lol.

The answer to the first question is, you will meet my soulmate but you won’t end up together and you will marry the person you never love.

The second answer is, I will be living abroad and I will always feel disappointed by the people I love the most.

And my conclusion is…, what the F***. Am I the only person not allowed to feel happy, being loved or having a happy ending story on her life ..? well… it’s 13 years ago, what happens in this past 13 years? Yes!! it happens. What she said is correct but for me.. this is life whatever happens in our life must be some reason behind that. As a person who believes in GOD and also I know the capacity of myself obviously I won’t accepting bad thing happen in my life.

Disappointment in life or love will always there… in every happy ending story, sad story will always there in between.


Fashion oh fashion … 🙂 who doesn’t like to look stylish. From toddler to older everybody wants to look stylish. For me, style it’s about how you represent/ express your own uniqueness. I’m not a fashion or style expert, and I believe you don’t need to be expert, what you need to have in the fashion world is creativity, imaginative and know how to play with material, pattern and of course, you have to update with the trend. Last night was so stressful #lols Me and Radhika (friend of mine) we invited to attend #Arabfashionweek2018, and as usual, we are late! But we make it tho!!! So we were able to see three shows from LaCava & SHEIN are from China and Asmaraia from Russia.

La Cava

Yoyo Zou, the designer and founder of La Cava Primera in 2011, graduated from Donghua University with a Master degree in fashion design and was the top designer for Tadashi Shoji. The products that she designed have been sold all over the world, in more than 40 countries. She has taken part in New York Fashion Week for many years, and her work has received an overwhelmingly positive response, it is especially loved by celebrities overseas and in China. The word La Cava originates from a famous musical named “beautiful woman”. The melody of the musical and the visual effect of our dresses will capture your love. Low key and luxury, delicate and elegant, oriental and western beauty will all be displayed in the design and make of our dresses. All of our dresses are handmade and make sure of your comfort, which will make your wedding unique and your beauty obvious to all your loved ones and guests. (

SHEINIt’s an online fashion shop with a very affordable price and pssst. It’s free shipping YEAY!!! (


The ASMARAÏA brand philosophy is to interpret traditional clothing of Eastern society, retaining all respect, abiding all norms and canons, but presenting it in a more original, modern and without exaggeration – a luxurious look. ASMARAÏA looks allow women to maintain harmony and peace, the confidence that not one of her movements will bring discomfort, will not expose her body, will not mark too clearly her outline, but on the contrary, will keep it in secret and safety. Carefully guarding the boundaries of a woman’s personal space, the elegant silhouettes of ASMARAÏA help her to remain an energetic source of attraction for femininity. Dressed in ASMARAÏA’s loose, closed, but by no means boring and banal outfits, a woman feels her dignity and virtue, grace and confidence, she gets real pleasure from her beauty, grace, from her true female nature, which only serves herself, without exposure (without exposing yourself). The external and internal world of the heroine ASMARAÏA are in complete harmony, they do not argue with each other, continuing, complementing and strengthening each other. They are like communicating vessels, inseparable from one another. (

Click below link to see my November Collection

The Pride

.. I’m sorry because I don’t understand the concept, I will give you the rest of your money, she said.

Nope! you don’t have to give me any money, I already forgot about what happened that day well at least I learned. Whatever I did for you just take it as sharing knowledge, you pay me enough and I’m happy for your success.

“So how about the Partnership …? ” She asked.

Mmmm … I think I can’t, I found another partner so yeah hopefully everything will be going well with them, I smiled.

PRIDE!!! It’s not because I’m a snob. This is about the principal, I had enough seeing people using me they know it, but pretend they didn’t mean it. I may look like a Crazy mad woman but I really good at observing, analyzing people and situation I can say it’s my strength.

I always want everything goes smooth and perfect, I hate cheating and being cheated as well … nobody’s perfect but at least make it as almost and that also applies to everything in my life, I don’t like wasting time and I’m a very straightforward person, people often saying I’m so mean … well, I’m sorry it just me like it or not I don’t give a fuck I just need peace in my life.

Turning Point

Hello Blog! After so long I pushed myself to write again, Yeah I know if you want to be a writer or whatever you want to be. You have to push yourself to achieve it, let it be your routine so you will never lose the feeling, the euphoria or whatever you want to call it.

I have a lot of stress nowadays, Life, Work, my project, I feel anxiety. There’s a time I can’t believe myself, I blame myself for what happened in my life, I feel so angry, Mad and Sad. I lose control of myself. I live far away from my children with the purpose to earn more and save some money for their future. My children living with my husband and my parents in law and by end of October my second daughter stopped to go to school, I receive WhatsApp message from her teacher saying she apologized because they are not succeded to educate my daughter. I remembered the other day she was asking me if there any other person can drop my daughter to school except his father ..? I can say yes but, I just can’t talk bad about some people to others.

So I talked to my husband about it and we decided to take her out from the school by end of the month, what makes me feel upset is, YES I ask him for divorce but it doesn’t mean he created a distance for me and my kids. I know I’m not a good wife but I know I could if he proofs me he is a good husband, anyway I don’t need to talk my opinion about someone else on public (I’m not doing that shit)

What I want to say is, us as a human deep down there we always thought we are better more than anyone else, we love digging in someone mistake when we are mad and easily forgetting good thing what that person ever did to you.

What I mean with the turning point here is, Again is the time for me to be more strong, no time for procrastinating what has to be done, no matter what it takes I know I will learn from it. It’s hard it will always hard but I have to be more focus to get it, to get time I wasted to raising my children.